Laurent Wolf – Walk The Line

Saturday August 1, 2009 · By

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It’s time for a new weekend feature on ELVAD, called “MAKE THE HURTING STOP”. This feature consists of a new video being birthed to the internet, and ELVAD wishing it were aborted. This week, tribal-house dude Laurent Wolf gets the business for this trainwreck of a video (and song).

I’m trying to picture the directorial process that comes up with this video. “Okay, so we’ve got a song with a Johnny Cash sample. That can only mean one thing–western! My brother in Arizona has the perfect place. Phyllis, get me four girls who can dance. No not real dancers, we need to keep the budget down! Send them over to Tractor Supply and find them the sluttiest outfits they’ve got. And get like four feet of rope while you’re there, we’ll chop it up for them to dance with. Now, the best part of this video, is that whenever the out of place Johnny Cash sample is playing, we’ll put everything in SLOW MOTION!”

Seriously, what is UP with that dancing? The entire first minute of the video is awkward flailing. Then things inexplicably go all slow-mo and out of focus. Oh, sup black cowboy, how you doing? Enjoying all that straw? Must be good if you’re chomping on it like a horse.

My favorite sequence is at 1:38. I guess they couldn’t get all four girls to wave their arms and brush their hair out of their eyes, so instead they had two do it and just mirrored them. Awesome moves there too.

Finally, if you are making a sad sack of a video that is based entirely on sexy girls, probably because the song is totally void of artistic merit, here are some tips:

1. Make sure the girls are VERY hot, or at least slutted up sufficiently. If you’re going to take Rome, gentlemen, then TAKE ROME.
2. Do not attempt to have a plot beyond dancing girls. Especially if the best you can do is having the artist wandering around aimlessly.
3. Do what you know. Sleazy clubs, hotel rooms, rehab facilities, etc. If you’ve never seen a western, don’t attempt to emulate one.
4. At the conclusion of your farce, do not have the unmitigated gall to declare “The End”. If we haven’t bled out by the time it’s over, we will know when to start cheering.